User:JohnBlakesDad/Case conference

Case conference

What I want to accomplish

Blake's best interest

Show that the most important thing for Blake is if we get along. If we are together he is happy. Otherwise he is depressed. Prior to the separation he was nothing but happy and as soon as it happened he became traumatized and fell into depression (task: photo and video evidence).

• He doesn't have nearby family
  • the separation traumatized him and left him depressed
  • the breakup broke his independent growth continuum and discontinued what we were doing together
  • the adversarial nature of it still caused him to take sides
  • he is starting to figure her out

Differing parenting styles are complementary

Differing parenting styles (one being "by the book" and scheduled, and the other being "real-life learning" and spontaneous) are complementary and empowering (and were initially in the relationship) rather than right or wrong.

More trust - letting me use the house when I am with Blake

Letting me spend time with Blake at her house. I am only allowed to be with Blake when I am (effectively) babysitting. This is usually when she is at dance class or job function.

It is expensive for me to be with Blake outside her house. The cost is effectively $30-40 per day being removed from my (so far) un-replenishable bank account.

• Driving to Prince of Wales or "cruising" and shopping are prohibitive.
• When we are out he wants fast (or more expensive food.

My best interests

• I have been pushed three years behind because of litigation and the adversarial approach that preceded the separation.

• I told her early on through emails that it would be far better for me to restore my (previously successful) tech career than becoming a family law expert.
  • It is probably too late for tech career because it has moved on and there is a shortage of investment capital due to high interest rates.

• This would have mitigated the likelihood of spousal support, which she denied. This also goes to her best interests.

Explore the possibility of a settlement conference:

Funding Blake through compromise

Given that Blake is sleeping at her house, it is unlikely that I will get child support even though I see and feed him nearly every day. My hope is to fund this would be through spousal support.

• She continually pleads poverty (at the 10th percentile income level).
• Yet she spends wastefully including pushing him into programs he does not want (curling).

• I want the respondent to consider a financial arrangement where spousal support to me brings her below the lower bracket and brings me up to the upper bracket (to reduce tax burden). This favors spousal support over child support because the child support is not deductible by the payer.

• I want to setup a separate account for Blake that will fit US tax law so that grand parents can make tax free gifts potentially $40K. This would cover necessary child support that will likely not be given because he is not staying at my house.

My finances

• I want to show that with my life expectancy the money I will have will put me in poverty towards the end of my life (show evidence). My best strategy is to focus on future income but this case if forcing me to work on this case in a stalled position rather than work on sustainable career.

My income challenges

Gap primarily because of my being forced into a stay at home position for 8 years, I lost many opportunities and face specific barriers:

1. age (find references)
2. gap in employment (find references)
3. loss in self-efficacy because of constant rejection and financial insecurity

Describe:

• temporary difficulty in short term memory from PTSD triggered by litigation
• how I attempted move them towards a reasonable settlement so that I could focus on career
• evidence is strong that the litigation is anger driven with no reasonable reason for it - a mental health issue that parallels the relationship: good and bad
• many accusations are projection, especially coercion (curling incident)

How it worked previously: family equity as a business - assets vs debits

• Why she sees this as wrong
• It doesn't fit common patterns
• She is not in control enforcing the common purely-cash approach to life

Family equity math

• Successful family model that made the child purely happy and created excess wealth
• Thrift taking away from expenses creating more equity: costs - savings (through thrift and DIY) ='s increased available money.
• Child is costing me so much I am forced into a level of thrift far more extreme that we had as a family
  • Eve's spending remains high with much if not most food being wasted, for instance.
  • Irresponsible borrowing to make the separation instant being a big part of the problem.
  • The child and I both begged her not to move so fast.
  • I offered to leave gradually (a plan I was formulating but didn't express) was rejected (I believe) because she preferred to view anything I supported as bad specifically (I believe) to do me damage as an outcome of her anger.

Respondent's misperceptions

works with a misperception that there will be no spousal support despite many criterion supporting it. She believes she heard me say I would not pursue it. I said "then we will be going to court".

Eve's finances

Respondent's debt

I can't find any support for the idea that excessive debt can deny spousal support. However, the lawyer for the NB public law group suggested that might happen. Just guessing, it is possible that Eve's separation strategy included using debt to deny spousal support as a strategy.

Effect of breakup on my mental health

Timeline

Before separation

• Conflict forced me to develop coping skills such that I would restart every day with a fully-connected and responsible approach. It was erode as the day went on because of the respondents anger and conflictive approach. But I restarted it every morning. It, along with other issues, pulled me back, but it was not intolerable.

After separation

• Adjustment disorder
  • punishing and controlling
• PTSD
  • Concept that a group consisting of the respondent's family, law group driven by the respondent's anger is attempting to separate me from my rights.
    • Rights in a separation
  • Fear that respondent's strategy was ultimately to separate me from Blake
  • Fear that much lower income will shorten my life
  • Litigation
  • Fear of losing Blake
    • Shared
• Recovery

Recognize that all three grandparents are not doing well and that the conflict cannot be good for them especially knowing that they get along yet are spending 10s of thousands adversarially. This source should go to the child who is the greatest expense.

• Applicant's mother is on oxygen
• Respondents parents have had recent surgery one being critical back surgery.

Purposes of case conference in law

Rule 81 Case conference

(1)The purposes of a case conference include, but are not limited to, the following:

(a) exploring the chances of settling the case;

(b) identifying the issues that are in dispute and those that are not in dispute;

(c) exploring ways to resolve the issues that are in dispute, including referral to mediation;

(d) ensuring disclosure of the relevant evidence;

(e) noting admissions that may simplify the proceeding;

(f) setting the date and time for the next step in the proceeding;

(g) organizing a settlement conference;

(h) giving directions with respect to any intended motion, including setting a timetable for the exchange of documents for the motion;

(i) giving directions and setting a timetable for further case conferences, a settlement conference or a hearing; and

(j) dealing with interim claims for relief.